Hunter

I know I've said it before, but we are so thankful for Trinity Classical School where our boys attend. It has added so much to their education and filled in the gaps in my individual efforts to homeschool. This blog post highlights a perfect example of that. I rarely did poetry with the boys... mostly because I never liked poetry. But TCS has students memorize great poems and holds a student poetry competition each year. Hunter submitted the following:

Woe of the Grammarians

That’s it! I’ve had enough with your lack of punctuation.
Every time I see a grammar mishap, it adds to my vexation.
"There," "they’re," and "their"— you have no clue what the difference is!
I thought I was reading time travel by the way you changed tenses.
You write as if you’re texting: no apostrophes in sight.
Gasp! You said, "irregardless"! You’ve killed Strunk and White!

The only time you use semicolons is when making a smiley: (-;
Did I mention that your quotation marks are used "rather vilely"?
You write in caps lock to hide your ignorance in capitalization.
Egad! It seems your writing has an emoji infestation!
Your parenthetical remarks are irrelevant, and honestly, quite shallow.
And your sentence structure’s shakier than a blob of cherry Jell-O.

One exclamation point is enough, yet you still use ten.
Was that a comma splice? An unforgivable grammar sin!
What were you thinking? Possessive “its” has no apostrophe.
That pile of clutter you call a paragraph is a linguistic catastrophe!
Want to hear about the Oxford comma? I’ll give you a tour de force.
Subject-verb agreement? Ha! They had a grammatical divorce!

Oh, the woes of the grammarians! We yearn for phonological perfection.
Like the traffic cops of English, we direct each lexical intersection.
But even the best are not above reproach— we too have our failings.
It’s impossible to fully stop making errors, our best attempts unavailing.
Yet we still press on, determined to purge our language of mistakes.
We’re the guardians of grammar, and we’ll do all that it takes.